he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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