you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
