oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize