He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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