just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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