I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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