R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
farters have to be the big spoon...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
