i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
