I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
