I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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