So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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