before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
