Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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