i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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