totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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