I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
