sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
