Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
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We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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