Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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