i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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