were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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