i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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