She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
