OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
