I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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