i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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