Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
