you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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