Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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