the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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