the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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