accomplished twins. life is a go
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
