Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Non-Jews are for practice
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
