dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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