I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
