Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
