This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
