They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
