ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
