I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
