Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
