I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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