I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize