I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
