i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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