im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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