she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
