there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
