just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
