If i come over, it means nothing
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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