We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
