I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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