I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
