you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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