weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
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