To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
