I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
