If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
