brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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