This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
