I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
