I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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