we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
