Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
